when it feels like you can't see

Fun fact: I go to school an hour and a half from home.

I make that drive about 3 days a week. So I have quite a lot of time to spend talking to the Lord. Sometimes I pray about what's going on in my life and some days I just listen to what He is saying. I think we, as humans, tend to talk and complain instead of just listening. So on Monday, I listened.

It has been incredibly foggy the last few mornings (possibly the thickest fog I've ever driven though) which has made it really difficult to see the road and other drivers. Instantly the Lord began to whisper in my ear exactly what I needed to hear. Fog will teach you a lot if you are willing to listen:

Fog has a way of making you forget where you are. It has a way of causing you to question whether or not you are even going in the right direction. Is this the path you are suppose to be taking or have you made a wrong turn? Sometimes, I know for me at least, the fog can send fear into your mind to try and distract you from the path you know is right. You've gone this way everyday for a month now, but this fog is causing you to rethink everything you've done to get there. The surroundings don't look familiar anymore and your head is cluttered with confusion. In the midst of the fog, when you can't see, you have two choices: you can stop right where you are and wait for the fog to lift or you can press on, following His voice of direction in your life.

Yep, that is me. Right here, right now. This was me physically on Monday morning and this has been me spiritually and mentally for the last month.

So in my car on Monday morning I had to slow down and ask the Lord for His guidance. As I travelled further down the road the fog lifted and I could see clearly again. He began to remind me that He has not brought me this far just to leave me. He has not forgotten my name. He is proud of  me.

Sometimes, for me, the fog looks like actual fog. Some days it looks like negative thoughts that try to distract me from who I really am. Other days the fog looks like the stress of trying to balance everything life is throwing at me.
The fog is just a distraction. You know where you are going. The fog is beginning to lift. He is giving you vision.

welcome to my world

Well, I've decided to something super vulnerable and out of the ordinary for me. I've started a blog. 

This blog will mostly be filled with things the Lord is showing me in this season of my life and sometimes just really cool adventures I get to go on. You may be going through the same thing or maybe not, but this is me. Right where I am. So welcome to my world.

This first post is something that I've felt like I should share for a couple of weeks now. I wrote this in my journal during my nightly quiet time on the 1st of September. So here it is:

In this season, trust has looked a little bit like waking up earlier than I ever have and driving a little bit farther than I'd like to. It has looked like worship sessions in my car to a Bethel cd I've listened to a hundred times but still makes me cry. Trust has looked like crying myself to sleep and crying out to God to just simply "draw near" and He does. Every single time. Without fail. I've had to trust Him to provide in ways I've never needed to before. I've also had to trust that He has gone before me and paved the way. He has not forsaken me and He will never forget me.

Faith has looked a little bit like being 100% terrified to "leave the nest" but trusting in His plan for my life anyway. It has looked like stepping out of my boat onto the raging sea knowing that even when I think I'm drowning He is faithful to reach out His hand and pull my head above the waves.

I've learned adulthood looks like 30 minute Dairy Queen runs between school and work just to catch up. It looks like one text message that simply says "praying peace over you today". It looks like late night FaceTime calls after weeks of not seeing each other. Adulthood looks like waking up at 5 and not getting home until 9:30 or 10. It looks like sacrificing friend time for homework you don't want to do. It mostly looks like stress and exhaustion but there are also great moments of joy and encouragement and hope and love. So much love.

Most importantly in this season I've seen Jesus. In the sunrise I get to watch every single morning (He knows those are my favorite). I see Him in the comfort He brings when I simply ask Him to "draw near" and I see Him in the prayers from friends and family that come through texts and FaceTime calls. I have known peace, hope and His love like I never have before. I've also noticed that often times seasons of drought produce the most growth. He has given me hope and joy that is brand new every morning. He is faithful to meet me right where I am.