Hey, me again. I've been thinking about how to write about this subject because I think it's a bit of a tough one,
A few weeks ago I came across this message by Louie Giglio entitled "Don't Give The Enemy a Seat At Your Table" and if you've talked to me at all within those fews weeks you've probably heard me mention it because honestly it has completely changed my life. In this message he didn't say anything super profound or really deep, but I can't stop thinking about it. He reads from Psalm 23, which may be one of the most well known passages in scripture (like I said, nothing super deep). Verse 5 reads, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.." and he begins to explain the way that The Lord prepares a table for us everyday. He wants to eat with us and talk with us and share things with us. It's who He is as a Father. Louie also points out that at a table set for two it is very easy for others to come up and join your table, which is what the enemy tries to do. He tries to bring worry to your table, he tries to bring fear to your table, he tries to bring temptation to your table, he tries to bring whatever it is that he knows will get to you to the table that The Lord has prepared for you. It is our decision to allow him to stay or tell him to get away from our table. I think my favorite part of this message was when Louie says, "You can tell him that he may prowl around and sneak around this table all he wants, but he cannot sit down". It's something I think about every second of every day because I tend to worry. Like a lot. About everything.
With that being said, a little over a week ago I let the enemy have my table. I had what the ER doctor told me was an anxiety attack. I had been working so hard to remind myself that the enemy does not get to bring worry to my table and when the enemy sees that you are aware of his schemes and you are taking steps to draw closer to the Lord, he will find an opening and attack. And that's exactly what he did. I was in a hurry and not checking up on myself or my thoughts that night and the next thing I know I am sitting in the floor of Sam's Club hyperventilating and completely unable the catch my breath. No matter how many times my coworkers, the EMTs, or the nurses told me to breath I just couldn't do it. I couldn't catch my breath. The enemy brought worry to my table and I let him. He took a swing at me and hit me in just the right spot and then he continued to hit me. The whole time I was trying to focus on catching my breath the only thing I could think about was how stupid I looked sitting on the floor crying in front of my friends. In the scariest, most vulnerable moment of my life they were watching me completely fall apart. I mean, come on, breathing?? Your body is suppose to do it involuntarily and that was all I could think about. The enemy was at my table. Not just at my table, but it seemed like he had completely pushed Jesus out of the way and He was no where in sight.
But I think my favorite thing about Jesus is that even when we feel like He's no where in sight and we can't seem to find Him anywhere, He's actually closer than He's ever been. He never even left.
Here are a few reminders I wanted to leave you with:
-Jesus is there. In the midst of the broken and scary and unknown, He's there. Look for Him because you'll find Him.
-Keep trusting. Keeping trusting in people, they always seem to surprise me. Keep trusting in the Lord because He is always, always faithful.
-REST. You can't do it all and it's stupid to think that you can.
-Breathe! Life can be crazy. Take a minute, breathe, remind yourself that you control your emotions, they do not control you. Remind yourself that you're not weak for needing a moment to catch your breath.
-Do not give the enemy a seat at your table. The Lord prepared the table for the two of you. Tell the enemy he wasn't invited.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
just a little update
The last year and a half has felt like the longest, most painful year and a half of my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic or to list my, what feels like, "first world problems" but i do mean that it has been an emotionally challenging year and a half.
When the relationship I thought would be my last before marriage suddenly ended, I felt confused and very angry. I blamed God and pointed fingers when it was simply just a human making a decision for himself and there was nothing wrong with that. Except, I let that anger continue to take root inside my heart and that is where I messed up. It's very hard to see a good and perfect Father through the lens of a broken and anger-filled mindset. So for the last year and a half I have been struggling to remind myself that my God is good and that my God has good plans for me. When I say that I've been struggling, I mean it in every sense of that word because transitioning out of an angry and bitter mindset might be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because when a boy breaks your heart, friends let you down, close family members pass away, and you make some decisions people don't necessarily agree with, its hard to remember the truth that God is good. This was not meant to be a post about how bad or how hard I think my life is, but that's just the reality of it. Life is hard, man. Life kicks you down and tears you apart. But it's also wonderful. I'm reminded every morning as I drive home from work that:
1. His mercies are new every morning. No matter what I've done that day or how I've acted, there is grace to try again tomorrow.
2. My God is good and He has good plans for me.
3. There is nothing I could do or say to separate me from the love of God.
I definitely do not have it together just because I'm making this post. I'm no where close, in fact, but there's a line from a song I heard recently that says, "You cannot imagine all the places you'll see Jesus, but you'll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn't suppose to go". That has hit me deep in this season because in the midst of what feels like the end of my world as I know it, He has been close. Even when I refused to recognize it. I've done my best to convince myself that because all these things have happened to me that God must not be as good or He must not love me as much as He used to but that's simply not the character of God.
He is good.
All the time.
No matter what.
I've decided to make a list of the places that I've found Jesus where I never thought I'd find Him in this season:
- coworkers who have only known me for two months but stick up for me/encourage me like family.
- precious babies born to family friends who thought they couldn't have babies (because God is good to keep his promises).
- honest to goodness, sometimes I see Him in my cat because he waits for me by the door every morning to love on me.
-in the death of my grandfather, who would've been given a cancer diagnosis had he lived four more days.
- in the faces of people who simply say, "I'm here for you anyway I can be" even when they may not understand.
- in every sunrise and every tear-filled car ride home, He's there.
I think sometimes that people don't see God in situations they think are terrible because they don't look for Him. I'm learning to look for God in every situation because He is there. And He is still good.
When the relationship I thought would be my last before marriage suddenly ended, I felt confused and very angry. I blamed God and pointed fingers when it was simply just a human making a decision for himself and there was nothing wrong with that. Except, I let that anger continue to take root inside my heart and that is where I messed up. It's very hard to see a good and perfect Father through the lens of a broken and anger-filled mindset. So for the last year and a half I have been struggling to remind myself that my God is good and that my God has good plans for me. When I say that I've been struggling, I mean it in every sense of that word because transitioning out of an angry and bitter mindset might be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because when a boy breaks your heart, friends let you down, close family members pass away, and you make some decisions people don't necessarily agree with, its hard to remember the truth that God is good. This was not meant to be a post about how bad or how hard I think my life is, but that's just the reality of it. Life is hard, man. Life kicks you down and tears you apart. But it's also wonderful. I'm reminded every morning as I drive home from work that:
1. His mercies are new every morning. No matter what I've done that day or how I've acted, there is grace to try again tomorrow.
2. My God is good and He has good plans for me.
3. There is nothing I could do or say to separate me from the love of God.
I definitely do not have it together just because I'm making this post. I'm no where close, in fact, but there's a line from a song I heard recently that says, "You cannot imagine all the places you'll see Jesus, but you'll find Him everywhere you thought He wasn't suppose to go". That has hit me deep in this season because in the midst of what feels like the end of my world as I know it, He has been close. Even when I refused to recognize it. I've done my best to convince myself that because all these things have happened to me that God must not be as good or He must not love me as much as He used to but that's simply not the character of God.
He is good.
All the time.
No matter what.
I've decided to make a list of the places that I've found Jesus where I never thought I'd find Him in this season:
- coworkers who have only known me for two months but stick up for me/encourage me like family.
- precious babies born to family friends who thought they couldn't have babies (because God is good to keep his promises).
- honest to goodness, sometimes I see Him in my cat because he waits for me by the door every morning to love on me.
-in the death of my grandfather, who would've been given a cancer diagnosis had he lived four more days.
- in the faces of people who simply say, "I'm here for you anyway I can be" even when they may not understand.
- in every sunrise and every tear-filled car ride home, He's there.
I think sometimes that people don't see God in situations they think are terrible because they don't look for Him. I'm learning to look for God in every situation because He is there. And He is still good.
Friday, November 13, 2015
freedom
Freedom. My favorite word.
Freedom can mean a) the state of being free or at liberty rather than confinement or under physical restraint or b) the power to determine action without restraint
Before this season of life I probably would’ve said that ‘freedom’ was just a cliche word that you hear in church. It has taken on a whole new meaning for me these days. The Lord has opened my eyes to what true freedom in Him means and what it looks like for me in this place that i’m in. He continually reminds me that we, as Christians, are free from condemnation, free from anything the enemy tries to throw in front of us, and free to be exactly who He created us to be.
I think that freedom and love go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other and in this life with Him we are free from striving to be accepted by Him. He loves us because it’s who He is. He can’t help it. He is a Father and a proud one at that. His love is one that will meet us exactly where we are. We don’t have to measure up for Him to love us more. We don’t have to shower and change out of our dirty rags to come into His presence. We can be with Him in the pit of pigs and slop. He will meet us there. He will trade our rags for a robe and our slop for a feast. He is a redeemer. He is a father who comes running off the porch to greet us when He sees us coming in the distance. When we have blown our inheritance, He gives us His. When we’re crawling around in the mud, struggling to see our potential and struggling to make it through the day He extends His hand and uses His strength to restore us back to where we are in His sight. By extending His hand, He extends His grace and His freedom. He doesn’t ask where you spent your inheritance or what you wasted it on, but He throws you a party just to celebrate you.
In His love is freedom like you’ve never known before. Freedom to be the quirky, funny, kind hearted, stubborn, joyful you that He made you to be. Embracing who you are can be scary and hard at times but all He asks is that you come. Come with an open heart, which is even scarier in my opinion. He, unlike everyone else, can be trusted with your open heart. He honors vulnerability and I think that is where true freedom starts. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (MSG) says “Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face to face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” This is my favorite verse because Paul so perfectly describes what freedom looks like. It looks like throwing off your old way of thinking and living a life where you never take your eyes away from His.
Romans 6:14 MSG
Throw yourselves whole heartedly and full time- remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!- into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.
John 8:34-35
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed…”
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
when it feels like you can't see
Fun fact: I go to school an hour and a half from home.
I make that drive about 3 days a week. So I have quite a lot of time to spend talking to the Lord. Sometimes I pray about what's going on in my life and some days I just listen to what He is saying. I think we, as humans, tend to talk and complain instead of just listening. So on Monday, I listened.
It has been incredibly foggy the last few mornings (possibly the thickest fog I've ever driven though) which has made it really difficult to see the road and other drivers. Instantly the Lord began to whisper in my ear exactly what I needed to hear. Fog will teach you a lot if you are willing to listen:
Fog has a way of making you forget where you are. It has a way of causing you to question whether or not you are even going in the right direction. Is this the path you are suppose to be taking or have you made a wrong turn? Sometimes, I know for me at least, the fog can send fear into your mind to try and distract you from the path you know is right. You've gone this way everyday for a month now, but this fog is causing you to rethink everything you've done to get there. The surroundings don't look familiar anymore and your head is cluttered with confusion. In the midst of the fog, when you can't see, you have two choices: you can stop right where you are and wait for the fog to lift or you can press on, following His voice of direction in your life.
Yep, that is me. Right here, right now. This was me physically on Monday morning and this has been me spiritually and mentally for the last month.
So in my car on Monday morning I had to slow down and ask the Lord for His guidance. As I travelled further down the road the fog lifted and I could see clearly again. He began to remind me that He has not brought me this far just to leave me. He has not forgotten my name. He is proud of me.
Sometimes, for me, the fog looks like actual fog. Some days it looks like negative thoughts that try to distract me from who I really am. Other days the fog looks like the stress of trying to balance everything life is throwing at me.
The fog is just a distraction. You know where you are going. The fog is beginning to lift. He is giving you vision.
I make that drive about 3 days a week. So I have quite a lot of time to spend talking to the Lord. Sometimes I pray about what's going on in my life and some days I just listen to what He is saying. I think we, as humans, tend to talk and complain instead of just listening. So on Monday, I listened.
It has been incredibly foggy the last few mornings (possibly the thickest fog I've ever driven though) which has made it really difficult to see the road and other drivers. Instantly the Lord began to whisper in my ear exactly what I needed to hear. Fog will teach you a lot if you are willing to listen:
Fog has a way of making you forget where you are. It has a way of causing you to question whether or not you are even going in the right direction. Is this the path you are suppose to be taking or have you made a wrong turn? Sometimes, I know for me at least, the fog can send fear into your mind to try and distract you from the path you know is right. You've gone this way everyday for a month now, but this fog is causing you to rethink everything you've done to get there. The surroundings don't look familiar anymore and your head is cluttered with confusion. In the midst of the fog, when you can't see, you have two choices: you can stop right where you are and wait for the fog to lift or you can press on, following His voice of direction in your life.
Yep, that is me. Right here, right now. This was me physically on Monday morning and this has been me spiritually and mentally for the last month.
So in my car on Monday morning I had to slow down and ask the Lord for His guidance. As I travelled further down the road the fog lifted and I could see clearly again. He began to remind me that He has not brought me this far just to leave me. He has not forgotten my name. He is proud of me.
Sometimes, for me, the fog looks like actual fog. Some days it looks like negative thoughts that try to distract me from who I really am. Other days the fog looks like the stress of trying to balance everything life is throwing at me.
The fog is just a distraction. You know where you are going. The fog is beginning to lift. He is giving you vision.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
welcome to my world
Well, I've decided to something super vulnerable and out of the ordinary for me. I've started a blog.
This blog will mostly be filled with things the Lord is showing me in this season of my life and sometimes just really cool adventures I get to go on. You may be going through the same thing or maybe not, but this is me. Right where I am. So welcome to my world.
This first post is something that I've felt like I should share for a couple of weeks now. I wrote this in my journal during my nightly quiet time on the 1st of September. So here it is:
In this season, trust has looked a little bit like waking up earlier than I ever have and driving a little bit farther than I'd like to. It has looked like worship sessions in my car to a Bethel cd I've listened to a hundred times but still makes me cry. Trust has looked like crying myself to sleep and crying out to God to just simply "draw near" and He does. Every single time. Without fail. I've had to trust Him to provide in ways I've never needed to before. I've also had to trust that He has gone before me and paved the way. He has not forsaken me and He will never forget me.
Faith has looked a little bit like being 100% terrified to "leave the nest" but trusting in His plan for my life anyway. It has looked like stepping out of my boat onto the raging sea knowing that even when I think I'm drowning He is faithful to reach out His hand and pull my head above the waves.
I've learned adulthood looks like 30 minute Dairy Queen runs between school and work just to catch up. It looks like one text message that simply says "praying peace over you today". It looks like late night FaceTime calls after weeks of not seeing each other. Adulthood looks like waking up at 5 and not getting home until 9:30 or 10. It looks like sacrificing friend time for homework you don't want to do. It mostly looks like stress and exhaustion but there are also great moments of joy and encouragement and hope and love. So much love.
Most importantly in this season I've seen Jesus. In the sunrise I get to watch every single morning (He knows those are my favorite). I see Him in the comfort He brings when I simply ask Him to "draw near" and I see Him in the prayers from friends and family that come through texts and FaceTime calls. I have known peace, hope and His love like I never have before. I've also noticed that often times seasons of drought produce the most growth. He has given me hope and joy that is brand new every morning. He is faithful to meet me right where I am.
This blog will mostly be filled with things the Lord is showing me in this season of my life and sometimes just really cool adventures I get to go on. You may be going through the same thing or maybe not, but this is me. Right where I am. So welcome to my world.
This first post is something that I've felt like I should share for a couple of weeks now. I wrote this in my journal during my nightly quiet time on the 1st of September. So here it is:
In this season, trust has looked a little bit like waking up earlier than I ever have and driving a little bit farther than I'd like to. It has looked like worship sessions in my car to a Bethel cd I've listened to a hundred times but still makes me cry. Trust has looked like crying myself to sleep and crying out to God to just simply "draw near" and He does. Every single time. Without fail. I've had to trust Him to provide in ways I've never needed to before. I've also had to trust that He has gone before me and paved the way. He has not forsaken me and He will never forget me.
Faith has looked a little bit like being 100% terrified to "leave the nest" but trusting in His plan for my life anyway. It has looked like stepping out of my boat onto the raging sea knowing that even when I think I'm drowning He is faithful to reach out His hand and pull my head above the waves.
I've learned adulthood looks like 30 minute Dairy Queen runs between school and work just to catch up. It looks like one text message that simply says "praying peace over you today". It looks like late night FaceTime calls after weeks of not seeing each other. Adulthood looks like waking up at 5 and not getting home until 9:30 or 10. It looks like sacrificing friend time for homework you don't want to do. It mostly looks like stress and exhaustion but there are also great moments of joy and encouragement and hope and love. So much love.
Most importantly in this season I've seen Jesus. In the sunrise I get to watch every single morning (He knows those are my favorite). I see Him in the comfort He brings when I simply ask Him to "draw near" and I see Him in the prayers from friends and family that come through texts and FaceTime calls. I have known peace, hope and His love like I never have before. I've also noticed that often times seasons of drought produce the most growth. He has given me hope and joy that is brand new every morning. He is faithful to meet me right where I am.
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